His Appointment

I have tried many times to write this post, but for some reason it has been so hard...so very hard.  It's not that I have had writers block, because I haven't.  It's just that every time I sat down to write a whole new train of thought came rolling out. Putting it together made it to wordy and it just did not  flow well.  I have struggled for days. Actually more then days, because it has been over a week now.  I am sitting here in front of my computer screen praying, typing, and hoping that today will be the day that God pulls it all together in a powerful and succinct way! That I would share only what He wants me to! That you would see Him and not me! That I might become less in your eyes so that He might become more! For He is the one who is always there! In a moments notice, when you call out to Him He reaches out immediately to carry you through the storm! Sometimes to even calm the storm. He is oh, so good, His timing is absolutely perfect, He is in control, and our peace and hope is found in Him alone!

"Disappointment = His Appointment"

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,  for you know 

that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, 

that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2

Pain has a way of taking over your life and making you feel as though your world has come to a complete halt.  At least that is the way it has always been for me.  This time is no different as I am unable to work and especially early on when I found that some of the most simplest tasks were very difficult and tiresome.  When the pain was at it's worst I had found myself in the place of an observer more then a participator. Now I am more at a place where I am at a very tolerable level of discomfort. It is more the loss of strength and motion that keeps me from fully returning to life as normal.  In it all I keep asking God to show me what He wants me to learn and what can I do with the limitations and yet time that I now have...

"Disappointment = His Appointment"

Pain wears on the one who is suffering, but even more it is tiresome to those who love them. Though they try to hide it, you can't help but see it in their faces.  It's not their fault really!  Who can blame them?! How can they empathize when they neither see the injury nor feel it themselves.  And after all their lives are continuing full speed ahead as they must while yours is at a stand still.

"Disappointment = His Appointment"

Pain is so subjective too! Isn't it?  I mean what one feels as excruciating another may hardly be bothered by it. What for some on the pain scale may be a "10" for others it may be a "4 or 5".  Do you know that Dr.'s when asking where you are at on the pain scale only care about one thing?  They just want to know for "you", with 10 being the worst "you" have ever felt and 0 the best, where are "you" at?  Then they treat your pain based on your answer. They don't ask you to look at the person in the next room who is far worse off then you and rate your pain compared to theirs.

Why is it that we never think twice about that for physical pain, but when we are hurting emotionally we always want to compare our hurt to another's?  Why is it that after crying on another's shoulder we might say something like, "I am so sorry, I know what I am going through is nothing compared to what you have gone through."   You know what?  It doesn't matter. All that matters is that it is painful for you! Let's stop comparing our pain with anothers!  If you're hurt, you're hurt! Reach out and don't be afraid to cry in public. Maybe even at church.  I cry at church all the time.  Sometimes because I am hurting, sometimes it's because I am overwhelmed by the love of God, and sometimes it's because I am hurting for another.  Dear one, if your hurting God cares and so do I!  Did you know that God cares so much that He collects your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). I mean who does that? Who, of the most compassionate people that you know would care enough to save your tears and keep them close by so that each one you shed and the pain you suffered would never be forgotten?! It's never forgotten by Him precious one!

I digress...See I told you I am struggling to keep this on track...but that was one train of thought I just couldn't get myself to cut out. I felt that it needs to be said for someone out there, maybe for you....

"Disappointment = His Appointment"

Pain causes our world to stop, it wears thin on those we love, it is subjective, and with it comes the flood of depression.  It inevitably rolls in as the reality hits that this is not going away as quick as one would like.  It engulfs you as your disappointment with yourself grows for not getting the things done that you used to be able to do.  And it threatens to overtake you if you give into all the negative thoughts that constantly bombard you!  The depression becomes harder to push off as tests are inconclusive. All you want are answers and somebody to fix you, but disappointment rolls in as you are forced to wait...

It was many years ago that I read in Kay Arthur's book As Silver Refined these words:

"Disappointment = His appointment...change the 'D' of disappointment to an 'H,' then add a space-and you'll eventually see that this really is His appointment."

It is the remembrance of those simple words in that sentence that has enabled me to trust God even in some of my darkest moments and in the midst of life's greatest disappointments.  Of course all the hours of digging into His Word as if it were the greatest treasure has helped too.  By Knowing His Word and Standing on the truth found in it as well as the remembrance of Kay Arthur's phrase I was often brought to a place where I could bend the knee and say, "Yes, Lord!"  "I will accept this disappointment as Your appointment and I will trust that in some way you will make it turn out for my good, even though I can't see that through all this pain right now."  It was never easy for me to get to that place! Nor has it never been without tears!  But whenever I bend the knee, peace rolls in over me like a warm, safe, soft blanket and all the edge - all the pain fades away.

This trial of pain, loss of motion, and strength in my left arm is getting long.  Answers have been slow to come by.  The MRI was inconclusive so they had to do an  EMG .  The EMG revealed that the nerves were not pinched in the neck, but more in the shoulder area (my most recent understanding).  Since it's not in the neck they have ordered more tests to be done. More x-rays and an MRI.

"Disappointment = His Appointment"

This week I was released to work, but with restrictions for my left arm.  As most of you know I have a very physically challenging job.  My company had been extremely patient with me, allowing me to have off far beyond the two week FMLA that my state guarantees, but with the restrictions I was given they had determined they could not keep me on.  I would be a liability to them.  They were generous in that they said it was no reflection on who I am as an employee, my direct boss complimented me on my work, and they said that when I am better I could reapply. That doesn't mean though that hot tears didn't fall...I had myself a good cry yesterday when I received the news.   Even as I type this tears are once again threatening to fall ...

Me having a rough day of it, but still holding onto hope! (cup says: "God loves you and so do I")

"Disappointment = His Appointment"

Disappointment after disappointment rolls in like a flood one after another and I can't help but ask "why Lord?" "I loved my job! Loved the people there!" "Why this physical issue, why not heal me?" As hot tears fall hard and fast and my heart aches bad because of the losses... but then comes the turning of the heart. The oh, I have never tasted anything sweeter then sweet surrender! The "I will accept this as Your appointment for my life." The "not my will Lord, but Yours" heart attitude.  The "my life is Yours and You can do whatever You want with it in order to fulfill Your greater plan and purpose." The "I will trust You in this, because Your ways are higher then my ways!"  I can say all that because I know that I am limited in my own understanding. I know that He who is good will only do what will be ultimately for my good, because God's Word tells me so and I have experienced it to be true!  Not because I have somehow deserved it, no!  I have never deserved His love, mercy, or grace! Only His wrath.  Yet, when I cried out to Him He poured out His love on me!

What about you?  Have you cried out to the Creator of the heavens and earth?  The One who knit you together in your mother's womb.  The One who already knows everything about you and yet is calling to you to turn from your sin and turn to Him.  If not, why not cry out to Him and surrender your life to the One who has all your days written down in His book?  He cares, He is there waiting for you, and His grace  is far greater then your sin! Jesus paid for it! He paid all your debt on the cross in full, once and for all! Will you accept His free gift of grace that He is offering you today?

For us who are His children let's hold fast to the truth that we can trust Him in both the good and hard times. Let's not compare our life with anothers, because He has a unique plan for each of us. We can and should trust Him with our lives! Maybe not without a few tears though! And not that He will make our lives easy, but that He will transform us and refine us through every hardship when we surrender in it. I don't know about you, but I long to hear the words "well done good and faithful servant".  

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,  for you know 

that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, 

that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2

"Disappointment - His Appointment";

    Change one letter, then I see

that the thwarting of my purpose

    is God's better choice for me.

His appointment must be blessing

    though it may come in disguise;

for the end, from the beginning, 

     open to His vision lies.

"Disappointment-His Appointment,"

    Whose? The Lord who loves me best,

understands and knows me fully,

    who my faith and love would test.

For like loving earthly parents

    he rejoices when He knows

that His child accepts unquestioned

   all that from His wisdom flows.

"Disappointment - His appointment";

    no good things will He withhold.

From denial oft we gather

    treasure of His love untold.

Well he knows each broken purpose

    leads to a fuller, deeper trust,

and the end of all His dealings 

    proves our God is wise and just.  

"Disappointment - His appointment";

    Lord I take them as such,

like clay in the hands of the potter

   yielding wholly to His touch.

My life's plan is all His molding;

    not one single choice be mine.

Let me answer unrepining,

  "Father not my will, but Thine."

Author Unknown
(from the book As Silver Refined by Kay Arthur)

....What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise"

Blessings by Laura Story