Ugh!!! I spent the morning reading a chapter from the book in which I'm supposed to be reading for my class. It took 2 and 1/2 hours for me to read 1 Chapter (approximately 50 pages). Granted there were interruptions and distractions from my four year old so it wasn't a continuous concentrated reading. Nonetheless I was discouraged and frustrated with the length of time it took me to read. I couldn't help but wonder if it takes everyone that long to read or if I'm really a slow reader/comprehender? In my head I know I should not be comparing myself to others and that I definitely should be cutting myself some slack since it's been so long since I've been in school. However I can't help but have all these fears and anxieties about whether or not I'm going to be able to do this. What if I fail...maybe I should have audited instead or taken an easier class? What was I thinking?!? It's to late now for me to be asking those questions, I already jumped into this schooling thing and there is no backing out now. O.k., so I just need to take a deep breath and give it my best effort. When all is said and done I will know that I put every effort into it and that I didn't give up. After all it is just one class and I'm a rooky who's rusty at this.
Not only was there the frustration and discouragement this morning over the time it took me to read one of three chapters that was assigned. But on top of that was the fact that when I finished I had questions running around in my head along with all these thoughts that I needed to process with no time to do so. I had to be somewhere in less then an hour. I had so many thoughts zooming around in my brain I felt like I would explode if I couldn't process through what I was thinking. Therefore I did the only thing I could think of, I quickly jotted down on the nearest piece of scrap paper those things that I most wanted to get back to. Then hopefully later I'd get to spend the needed processing time. I was fortunate to find the time, part of which is just my venting here! Thanks for listening:)
I completely hear you on this one! I'm finding that it depends on the class and the book for me. I took about an hour and a half to read 50 pages in one book yesterday, too, but it's a pretty cerebral book where I'm trying to not only read, but LEARN what I'm reading. So don't feel bad. I'm sure you'll get some books you can breeze through.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is very hard to study with so many other things going on in life! I feel you about having so many thoughts zooming through your head and no time to process. I'm trying to figure out what God's expectations are of me right now--sometimes I think excellence in His eyes looks a little less like "perfection" than I think it does. :)
Tamara
Tamara,
ReplyDeleteIt makes me feel sooooo much better to hear that the reading for your class has taken you a long time:) I soooo hear you on the wanting to learn what your reading...it would be so much easier if I could just read and not have to worry about knowing the material. But then of what value would it be for us:) If you have any tips for studying I'd love to hear them:)
To think I'm only taking one where you are taking more plus working full time. Your amazing!!!
I appreciate your thoughts on what you think God requires of us. I'm sure your right about Him not expecting perfection from us since He is the only perfect one. It's a good reminder to be continually dependent on Him in all things. For me right now my continual prayer is that He will enable me to remember what I need to and discern truth as I study. Though in my studies I'm not worried about perfection as much as passing at this point, lol.
We'll have to keep encouraging one another:)
Kim