I did it again! I can't believe it!:( I forgot to acknowledge an important day for a beloved family member. Ugh! Why does this always happen to me! I want to remember and acknowledge peoples birthdays, anniversaries, etc...I really do!!! I don't purposely try to forget. I have even gone so far as buying cards in advance. Only to find them still sitting in a drawer months after the fact. Often my automatic physical reaction to discovering that I blew it once again is throwing my palm to my forehead, folding over in agony, along with contorting my face. "Why can't I be like so and so, she never forgets important days?" Questions like this torture my soul, as I can't help but beat myself up. Fear and anxiety build from within as I ponder what the would be recipient is thinking of me. Then I find myself questioning God. "Why am I made like this?" "Why do I forget things, important things?" "It's not just birthdays it's appointments, it's things like what did I do yesterday kinds of things. Ugh!!!!"
Then God whispers to me "(I, God have) created (your, Kim) inmost being; (I have) knit (you) together in (your) mother's womb. (You, Kim are) fearfully and wonderfully made; My works (you) are wonderful (Psalm 139:13-14)
"Me???? God? Just the way I am? Wonderfully and fearfully made? Me? How could that be?"
God in His mercy continues to whisper to my soul "(Your) frame (Kim) was not hidden from (Me) when (you were) made in the secret place. When (you, Kim were) woven together in the depths of the earth, (My) eyes saw (your) unformed body. All the days ordained for (you) were written in (My) book before one of them came to be"(Psalm 139:15-16)
"Even my brain God? You knew in advance my limitations? Yet, You made me anyways??? Even the hard places Lord? You knew about the hard places too??? You ordained them Lord??? Even my failures??? If only I could forget Lord! What? You don't want me to forget? You want me to remember, remember just like the Israelites were to remember how you delivered them out of their bondage??? To tell them to my children, to let them know how amazing Your abundant grace and forgiveness are. I think I'm beginning to see Lord."
Then after He so gently reminds me of how He knitted me together and formed me the way that I am, how precious I am to Him, and how He redeems my past He then whispers more life giving truths to my soul:
"Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'? Woe to him who says to his father,' 'What have you begotten?' or to his mother, 'What have you brought to birth?'
(Isaiah 45:8-10)"
"You are right God, how can I question You, my Maker for how you have made me? Help me Lord, when I want to beat myself up by reminding me time and time again that I am wonderfully and fearfully made!!!"
What about you dear Sisters? Are you like me, frustrated at times with how God has made you? Do you find it hard to say as the Psalmist that you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Do you really know that God loves you even with your limitations? That He loves you with a lavish love?
If you Dear sister, have believed that you are a sinner (fallen short of God's holy standard), believed that Jesus lived, died, and rose again the third day, paying your debt so that you might live forever with Him. Then Dear Sister Jesus rejoices over you!!! You are His friend (John14:15), you are His child (Ephesians 1:5), you cannot be separated from His love, ever (Romans 8:35-39), He will complete the work He has begun in you (Philip 1:6), You are hidden with Christ in God (Colo. 3:3),and you can do all things through Christ who will strengthen you (Philip. 4:13). All this and so much more is true when you are His! And you too will be able to say as Isaiah did: (just put your name in the blank)
"O LORD, You are (my) Father. (I,_____ am) the clay, You are the potter; (I, _____ am) the work of your hand." (Isaiah 64:8)
Thank-you Jesus, for your grace and mercy, for your intimate knowledge of who I am and my dear sisters. Thank-you that we don't have to pretend to be something we're not with you! That you love us, limitations and all. Thank you that when we are at our weakest and confess our weaknesses to You, You are then able to show Yourself strong to others through us. Thank-you that when we fail others whether intentionally or not your grace is sufficient, and that when we confess to them and You our sins are completely forgiven by You. Whether or not those we have hurt ever do. Jesus we have never known such a love as yours, never felt so accepted as we do with You! Thank-you!!! We can not understand why You should love us so, but we embrace it as the most precious thing in all the world that we could ever receive." Amen
Let us rejoice today in the work of the Father's hand (the work He is doing in us, though not perfected yet), be humble and confess our short comings to those we've let down, and breathe a sigh of relief that though others may or may not forgive us God does!
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