To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die....
....A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
Some of you may have already read my previous post about how long it has been since I have last written and why. You may also know that my time has been freed up to write because of my inability to work right now due to a neck injury. If not, and you are interested you can read more about that here.
What I did not share with you last time was an adorable conversation I had with my youngest son when he saw my blog for the very first time that day. He was totally amazed by my blog as only a nine year old boy who is still in the "I totally adore my mom" phase can be. He was so enthusiastic about it that he said "mom you should write a book!" Of course I could only laugh and hug him. Oh how innocent children can be and filled with such a sense of anything is possible. If only we adults were still filled with such awe, wonder, and possibility as they can be.
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| Super cute picture of my little guy trying on some rec specs for when he plays his sports |
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| This one is from one of our Mom & Son dates! |
Isn't he just the cutest! Well I think so, as all mom's should adore their children! At least I have always thought all of my children whether by birth, marriage, or other circumstances are absolutely the most precious and loved beings ever! Oh how great is a mother's love for her children!
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| This is my favorite picture of our children from Christmas 2014. You may not see all of their faces because they are laughing, but I just love how they love being together and it is never often enough anymore that we are all together. |
Oh, and as much as I love and adore our children I all the more love and adore this handsome man:
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| Christmas 2014 at the Anderson's |
I just don't know of a more caring and generous man who gives of himself as much as he does! I am truly one blessed wife and mother!
But I digress, I guess I just couldn't help but brag on my family a little! Let's get back to why I was writing. Now what was I going to tell you? Oh yes! I was telling you of this conversation I was having with my son as I was staring at the screen of my computer that had my blog up on it. He not only said all those nice compliments, he also told me I should write about my neck injury, and his sisters pregnancy etc... His enthusiasm was just bubbling over. How can one not smile and catch the enthusiasm?! So for today I am going to honor this precious boys requests.
But before I do let me say that my intent in writing about the past year or so is not to gain sympathy nor am I wanting to come across as being a whiner or complainer. After all life has been so good in many many ways for us, but like many others of you we have had our fair share of trials and losses. I write to show that in all of it, the good and the hard God is good! He provides for every real need and there is always an overflowing amount of grace in everything! That is if we have eyes to see and look for it and hearts that are open to embrace it! Our life recently has been filled both with some of the most joyous moments and some of the most painful ones as well.
How do I even start to share...
A happy time for us in 2014 was when Jeff and I were able to finally take three of our six kids to Florida and Disney land. It was something we longed to do for many years, but never could justify it. Finally we said, we have only three left in the house and for two of them it was their last year probably with us since they were seniors in High School. So we used our tax return money and drove out to Florida. What a joy it was to see the children's faces as they saw the ocean for the very first time.
We were all a little water logged at Disney Land from it raining most of the day, but it meant for less crowds
and shorter lines for the rides.
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| The youngest photo bombing! Ha ha ha |
The beach was definitely the highlight for the children and so that is where we spent most of our time!
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| View of the sunset from our room |
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| I loved the water the most too! |
I am convinced that I would be most happiest if I could live in a little cottage on a beach for the rest of my life! How I love and am energized by the warm sun and water! I even ran along the beach and it was my most special and favorite time of running ever. It would be easy to think all is well in the world in such a beautiful place, but for us reality hit hard while we were there. We found out that Emily's dad who had been battling cancer for a long time had an infection again and went back in the hospital. Emily is the one on the right in the picture above with the three kids in it. It was so hard to tell her that her dad was in the hospital when we were in the middle of vacation! But her step mom assured us that her dad was stable and fine. We cried, we prayed, and we finished out our time in Florida making the long drive home.
Once home Emily spent every free moment in the hospital with her dad. As well as her two older brothers, Marques & Tyler and the rest of the Koller family!
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| This picture cuts me to the core, makes my heart wrench in pain, and brings hot tears to my eyes every single time I see it! This is our Emily while visiting her dad in the hospital |
While my ex-husband Chris was in the hospital we had Dana's shower! While Chris's wife Staci & his mom stayed by Chris's side and we silently hoped and prayed for healing for him with them, the rest of us celebrated Dana and her soon to be joining our families!
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Chris's mom Shirly |
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| Dana's mom Sherrye, Dana, and myself |
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| Dana's oldest sister Jennifer, Dana, & her twin sister Dawn |
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| Grandmas Leslie & Anderson, Myself and best friend Karina |
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| The Koller family: Heather, Barb Housner, Emily, Christina, Shannon, Nikki, Samantha & little Maggs! |
So in the midst of Chris being sick in the hospital we celebrated and held on tight to hope! We hoped and prayed that he would once again rally and make it to be there for some of the most momentous moments of our children's lives. But our Father in heaven had other plans for him and a few days later the cancer took over his body. It did not win though! Chris trusted Jesus's free gift of grace and forgiveness and was received into the arms of his savior. He now lives healed and whole! He now is a part of the great cloud of witnesses and I like to think that he is one with them looking down at his loved ones encouraging them to press on in Christ!
My children know to much about sickness, cancer, hospital rooms, and longing for hope. They have watched as their father faded away seeing him suffer, hallucinate, cry out in agony, and they were all there on April 7th, 2014 when he took his last breath and his soul left into the loving arms of Jesus who was waiting to take Him home. Finally Chris was at peace with no more pain and no more suffering. My children while knowing that in their hearts still hurt hard because they no loner had their father here with them. He would not make it to Emily's High School graduation, or hear about Tyler's graduating with an associates degree in firefighting, or be there for Marques and Dana's wedding in June. So the grieving was felt so much harder as they knew he fought so hard to make it to see those days. And God carried them through, us through, grace was there in the midst of it, so they grieved, the Koller family grieved, I grieved in the dark hours alone for them, we all grieved as we realized that we will no longer have his presence with us here until we meet up again with him in heaven.
And so they/we mourned and in the midst of the mourning there was celebrating to be had! The question that was in the back of everyone's mind was just how do we do that? How do we go on and celebrate in the midst of loss and pain. The only answer to that, was that by the grace of God and with his empowering we simply choose to do so! To fight for it!
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die....
....A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
For the Koller's and those who love them intimately know the truth in those verses above all to well. I must not forget to say that not only did the Koller's say goodbye to Chris in April, but his death was not the only one they were grieving. They were still mourning the loss of his sister Mari who had passed away from lung cancer fairly recently at the end of the summer 2013. For them rejoicing and mourning was a tangled messiness...
Shortly before Chris's death there were reasons to celebrate! There was the birth of another Koller- sweet little Maggs to his niece Samantha and Dana's wedding shower. Then soon after Chris's death there were more celebrations. There were three graduations and a wedding. Tears of joy intimately entwined with tears of sorrow, anger and loss.
Shortly before Chris's death there were reasons to celebrate! There was the birth of another Koller- sweet little Maggs to his niece Samantha and Dana's wedding shower. Then soon after Chris's death there were more celebrations. There were three graduations and a wedding. Tears of joy intimately entwined with tears of sorrow, anger and loss.
We went on as life does and must and we celebrated two High School graduations for two beautiful step sisters that were only six days apart in age. First was Sarah's at the end of May. She is the oldest who will never let Emily forget, ha ha ha.
Next graduation was Emily's, a daddies girl whose father would not be there, but we believe that he was up there in heaven feeling as proud as can be with a huge grin on his face! ...and again grace carried us through...while the tears fell in the dark hours, joy radiated on faces...
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| Sarah & Emily - sisters not by blood, but bonded by the heart! |
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| Emily & Zach |
Through the sorrow and loss everyone chose to rejoice as we celebrated the wedding of Marques and Dana. The day was another one of hot messy tears of joy and sorrow all meshed and intermingled together and through it all was God's grace carrying us through!
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| Jeff & I, with Dana & Marques |
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| Our children: Tyler, Nikki, Dana & Marques, Sarah, Emily, & Zach |
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| Niece Heather (who has been like a daughter to us) & Chris's mom |
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| My eldest son Marques & his beautiful bride Dana |
What a gorgeous day we had to celebrate their marriage! The weather was perfect! The wedding was beautiful and though Chris was in the back of all our minds and Marques and Dana honored him in their ceremony we all had a lot of fun. We celebrated their union! What a joy it is to me to have another daughter in the family to love and one whom I know has been so good to and for my son!
After all the celebrations my second born son Tyler quietly announced that he graduated with an associates in firefighting. So after we all chided him for not sharing this big news with us sooner we all hugged and congratulated him. Again we rejoice and yet the fresh loss of one is felt as we can't help but think of how proud he'd be, how proud he is of his son! And the grace rolls over us as the tears fall from our eyes...
God is so good! So gracious in the good and hard times! Sometimes those times are intimately entwined as they have been for us! Whether we know it or feel it, He does and can carry us through! He is the one who when we call out to Him comforts us in the dark hours and if we let Him takes the anger & the hurt from us. He is always there, He picks us up off the floor, and keeps us going! He enables us to rejoice when our hearts are breaking and He fills our dark hearts with hope!
But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who
have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if
we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with
Him those who sleep in Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-15
Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will
never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its
power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death
through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:54-57
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die....
....A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4
