STARTING AGAIN

I can hardly believe that it has been three years now since I have last written anything on here.  I never meant to take such a long break.  It just sort of happened.  One day passed by, then another, and another and before I knew it those three years had passed.  I just found that I left myself no room in my life to write. I had gone back to work part-time and had ministry and family responsibilities.  I felt I could not possibly add one more thing or I'd burn out.  That was not the only reason though...  

I have struggled with feelings of being inferior in my writing.  See for me English was, well let's just say I didn't understand it and felt lost while trying to learn it.  If ever my sentence structure and choice of words are right it is credit to, well, the many hours spent in the Bible and my love for reading.  As well as, and most importantly the work of the Holy Spirit in my life.  And this truth weighs on my heart heavy, because I have so very many bright friends whom I know they can not even continue to read something or listen (no matter how good the content) if the Grammar is bad. Sigh!

More scary to me then getting the technicalities of writing wrong would be getting my Theology wrong.  Or being misunderstood, misquoted, or ignorantly hurting someone.  Their is such responsibility with what one writes and says.  And I have unintentionally hurt others before and that grieves me to this very day.

Another struggle for me with whether or not to continue writing has been that I am an introvert by nature. That means I spend a lot of time in deep thought.   That can make for a great writer and sometimes it is a real blessing.  Such as the fact that meditating on God's Word comes naturally to me.  I love mulling it over and over and silently speaking to the Lord about it.  It is as natural as breathing to me. However as in all of our gifts their is a darker side.  The darker side of being a deep thinker for me is that I can think to much about myself or about what I have written.  I can spend way to much time thinking about how great I think what I said or wrote was, or beat myself up about how stupid it was. Or I can rejoice in how holy I think it sounded or I can agonize over whether I even made sense. I have even worried if I was relevant, or not, or if it even matters to anyone at all that I write!  What I am saying is that as I have written this blog I have gone back and forth from pride to self abasement and neither is good! The struggle is real people! Pray for me!

I am not sharing this for sympathy.  Nor am I trying to guilt anyone into saying how great my writing was and how they have missed it.  I am just being real.  Real about what's kept me from writing.  As well as being real about my desire to accurately share truths that I have learned from the Scriptures.  I have written in the past not because I was the most capable or spiritual, but because the Lord compelled me to!  And Lord willing if He wants me to continue He will make a way and I will continue to pour out my heart here! When I do, I simply pray that the Lord would take my weak words and use them for His purposes!  I know I am powerless to teach anyone anything, it is the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts that teaches us and gives us understanding.

It seems He has already made a way for a short time anyways.  Somehow, I injured my neck and at it's worse it has caused excruciating nerve pain that radiates down the back of my shoulder blade into the back of my arm as well as bicep.  Since my current job is as a decorator at a furniture store and it involves moving heavy furniture etc... I am unable to work.  While I am being treated and hopefully on my way to recovery without surgery I have lots of down time!  I asked the Lord to help me to not waste this forced time of rest.  Either by teaching me what I need to learn or showing me what I can do. 

It was just recently that I started thinking about this blog.  Wondering if I could once again start writing.  I wondered if my mind would be clear enough though I am on some medications.  I wondered if my pain would keep me from it.  But today there has been grace! So dear sisters for today I once again have had the privilege of sharing my heart with you.  Not that it was anything profound!  But oh, how I have missed writing you all...no matter how small my audience has been over the years.  Every time I have written I have prayed for you and today is no different!  I have prayed that you might know, really know the depths of His great love and mercy for you!  That you would call on the name of Jesus and know that when you do the angels in heaven rejoice and so does He!  And dear sisters so do I!

Much Love in Him who took our place that we might be free from the penalty and grip of sin!  Grace, peace, and mercy in and through our Lord Jesus Christ!

Kim

"May you be more overwhelmed be the grace of God then the cares of this world." Anon

Because the cares are so very many aren't they dear ones! And they always threaten to overwhelm us!