It's hard for me to watch someone I love in a lot of pain. I'm not referring to physical pain (though that's hard too), but emotional pain. I'm the kind of person who would do anything I could to help ease anothers pain, especially if that person is someone I love. One of the hardest lessons I'm learning is that though I can try and comfort someone with the same comfort I have received through personal suffering it won't help them if they refuse it. If I can not remove their pain, and they refuse to hear and receive my attempts to comfort them then what am I to do?
I find myself in this helpless place right now and these are some of the lessons I'm learning which are not in any particular order (many of these have been passed onto me by others and some I'm learning at deeper and deeper levels):
First: I'm not anyone's Savior, my job is to simply point them to Jesus. The first time I herd this statement it hit me like a ton of bricks across my forehead. Duh! Yes, of course! What freedom and peace there is when I remind myself that Jesus is the only one who can heal the deep hurts within each of us. "I, even I, am the LORD, And besides Me there is no savior" Isaiah 43:10-12.
Second: "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." In other words I can point them to Christ, point out or remind them of there need for Him (even as a believer), and tell of His great love and the peace found in Him. But no matter how hard I try I can't make them believe or receive the hope found in Him alone.
Thirdly: I can pray for them. Often I tend to feel like prayer is somehow second best, after all I should be doing something shouldn't I? So when I've exhausted all my own resources and I'm left with nothing but prayer I can sometimes feel as if though I've given up and I'm not really doing anything. When the truth of the matter is that prayer is essential, since we can do nothing on our own apart from God. Another struggle I find I have in prayer for others is that of discouragement. Especially when I've prayed hard and for a long time and still have not seen any answers. When that happens I am tempted to think why even bother. That's when I cling to scriptures like these: 2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we live by faith not by sight" and Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Fourth: I must not trust my own feelings and emotions. The only trustworthy source is God's Word and the truths found within. My emotions lead me all over the place in my thoughts and none of it is healthy. If I were to let my emotions get the best of me I would crawl into bed and never get out. Therefore I must not act on my emotions, or for that matter think on what they are saying to me (dwelling on them feeds them). Instead I need to run to God's Word immersing myself in the comfort and truths found there.
Fifth: When in the midst of a trial I need to seek comfort within scripture by immersing myself in it and reminding myself of the truths of the gospel and God's sacrificial love for me. That His love is constant, He is in control, He is trustworthy, and that He will carry me through everything He has allowed me to face. Not only will He carry me through He will also work it out for my good.
Sixth: That no one can steal my joy unless I let them. This one I find I have to remind myself over and over again since my first reaction to others ongoing pain and bitterness is my joy quickly disappears and is replaced with discouragement and fear. But I don't have to stay there. When I remind myself that they cannot steal my joy, that is the first step needed in remaining joyful despite of others. The reason I (and you too) can have joy despite the attitudes and actions of those around me is that Joy is not like happiness. Happiness is conditional, it is based on circumstances or how people make us feel. Joy on the other hand can dwell within a person despite circumstances and others. I'm not saying that I'm not sad when facing trials, what I am saying is that despite the pain and sadness I feel there remains a deep abiding joy based on the hope I have in Jesus. “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:11
Seventh: I must surrender my loved ones to Christ. I can't keep holding onto them with one hand while trying to give them to Christ with the other. I must completely release them with both hands to Him, and not take them back. As often as I find myself worrying and anxious about them I need to hand them over again. After all He loves my loved ones far more then me and His love is not like mine, since mine can at times be conditional and self serving. While His love is never conditional, it's sacrificial, and it is always concerned about what is best for the other.
Eighth: The value and benefit of gratitude. No matter how difficult or painful things may be or seem I always have plenty of reasons to give thanks to God. Even if the only thing I can come up with is thanking Him for my salvation. That when I practice being thankful even for those people who cause me pain, or difficult circumstances I find that my attitude changes toward them too. When I'm tempted to complain and to be bitter the best solution is for me to practice gratitude.
Ninth: Listen to and sing praise music! No matter how downcast I feel when I stretch my arms up high singing praises to Jesus soon I feel my spirit lifting too. I know of nothing that does a better job of correcting my wrong depressed thinking along with renewing and strengthening my faith.
Perhaps you are going through a trial today too. Yours may not be the same as mine, in fact maybe you are like my loved one who is suffering deep emotional wounds. Perhaps God has brought you here to read this because He has some things for you to learn within your trial. Or maybe God has taught you something else that was not on my list. If so and either way I'd love to hear what God is doing in your life.
Lord, Thank-you for your unfathomable love, for your abundant grace, and your patience with me and my sisters in Christ. Thank-you also for your great wisdom in perfectly knowing what trials you would need to allow in order that I and they might participate in and better comprehend Jesus suffering. Thank-you also for protecting us from those trials that would crush us. Lord, help me and my sisters in Christ to completely trust you with our lives. To allow you access to every part of who we are, and to be willing to be transparent with one another. Help us Lord, to remember that we are nothing apart from you, and the only good we do is because of you working in us. Lord, I cannot comprehend why You who were without sin would come down from heaven to suffer obscene insults, rejection from your children and bride, barbaric physical abuse, and the Father turning His back on you and pouring out His wrath on you all for me, for us?!?! You took the punishment we deserved! And why? Not because we are worthy, but simply because of your love! What love is this? I cannot comprehend it and I am overwhelmed as I recall it! Jesus, thank-you for your grace, for your love, and for your sacrifice!!!
"But those that hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31
