Rubber-band Girl

Sorry, I haven't written in awhile!!! I'm still trying to get my bearings straight and recuperate from last week.  Like most of you I have a busy schedule and adding a college class into my schedule has stretched me thinner then ever.  Perhaps you have experienced this too, it's like when you know that if you were to add one more thing in your schedule you'd be stretched so thin that like a rubber-band  that is stretched beyond it's elasticity it breaks and stings the one who is closest and often the one holding it.  That was me last week, I had added another thing on top of my class and all my other things.  I was stretched beyond what I should have allowed and the resulting snap stung my youngest and myself.   Instead of responding in a nice but firm way to his growing requests for attention I sharply would snap at him "no, not now."   I had no patience for my little guys continual interruptions because I had no cushion in my schedule.  Once I had realized what I was doing I took him in my arms and apologized letting him know that it wasn't him but me.  That "mommy is just crabby because she has to many things to do and not enough time."  He forgave me, but then for an hour as only little ones can do he went on and on talking about my being crabby....lol!!! If that's no enough to aggravate an already overworked stressed out mom...lol.  For me though it broke the ice...I had to laugh at his comments and that released some of the tension in the air.  Though the tension was less, the weight of what I had yet to get done still weighed heavy on me.   I kept my eyes toward the goal of the end of the week when I could start anew, afresh with just the ordinary stress.  It was not until two days later that I finally was finished.

Lesson learned: Know my limits!!!!  Sometimes it's good to say no!!!!   I had added that one more thing into my schedule and I was stretched so thin I was unable to do my best in all the things I was responsible for and so most if not all suffered.  My family suffered for I was on edge and though physically with them I was not mentally.  Instead I was focused on the many things that were weighing on me.

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."                                                              Philippians 3:13-15


 

Just Little o'l Me Processing

Ugh!!!  I spent the morning reading a chapter from the book in which I'm supposed to be reading for my class.  It took 2 and 1/2 hours for me to read 1 Chapter (approximately 50 pages).  Granted there were interruptions and distractions from my four year old so it wasn't a continuous concentrated reading.  Nonetheless I was discouraged and frustrated with the length of time it took me to read.  I couldn't help but wonder if it takes everyone that long to read or if I'm really a slow reader/comprehender?  In my head I know I should not be comparing myself to others and that I definitely should be cutting myself some slack since it's been so long since I've been in school.  However I can't help but have all these fears and anxieties about whether or not I'm going to be able to do this.  What if I fail...maybe I should have audited instead or taken an easier class? What was I thinking?!?  It's to late now for me to be asking those questions, I already jumped into this schooling thing and there is no backing out now.  O.k., so I just need to take a deep breath and give it my best effort.  When all is said and done I will know that I put every effort into it and that I didn't give up.  After all it is just one class and I'm a rooky who's rusty at this.

Not only was there the frustration and discouragement this morning over the time it took me to read one of three chapters that was assigned.  But on top of that was the fact that when I finished I had questions running around in my head along with all these thoughts that I needed to process with no time to do so.  I had to be somewhere in less then an hour.  I had so many thoughts zooming around in my brain I felt like I would explode if I couldn't process  through what I was thinking.  Therefore I did the only thing I could think of, I quickly jotted down on the nearest piece of scrap paper those things that I most wanted to get back to.  Then hopefully later I'd get to spend the needed processing time.  I was fortunate to find the time, part of which is just my venting here!  Thanks for listening:)

Hoooooomewoooooork!

O.k., so I'm trying really hard not to get freaked out over this homework stuff. I have no idea what I'm doing. My first week consists merely of reading two chapters...but as I read I constantly find myself thinking what on earth am I supposed to remember here? It's not that I'm not enjoying what I'm reading because I really am. I'm finding it quite challenging and frankly there is just so much good stuff I keep thinking I'm not going to be able to remember all of it. So what do I need to focus on??? I mean I can't just copy everything down verbatim for notes...can I?!? I'm sure I'll figure this out at some point. I think it's a good problem to have after all it could be a lot worse...the subject and reading material could be boring and dry. Oh man, that would be awful...then I'd struggle with staying awake and concentrating.

As I struggle and fumble through this figuring out how to study my goal is to soak in as much of the essential info. as my brain will let me...lol. Then pray that the Holy Spirit will bring to remembrance everything I need so that I will pass the class in order that I may utilize the knowledge learned in the future when needed.

In order to reach my goal I'm implementing the strategies I've used to study the Word of God. I have my own unique way of highlighting, underlining, and marking, etc... Some techniques have been learned from precepts and then modified by me for my particular learning bent. I've refined it over the years and I'm sure I will continue to do so. Highlighting and marking helps me tremendously when I want to go back and review. It enables me to go back over and quickly find the essential information. There was a time when I was hesitant and even resistant to mark up my Bible (an expensive book) fearing I'd be marring the crisp white pages. However, I have long gotten over my fears. I now know it's absolutely necessary for me to learn. Another technique I'm using is note taking. For whatever reason my brain just works better/remembers more when I write down what I'm hearing or reading. The problem for me is what does this professor want me to know...how much do I need to concentrate on and the lazy side of me says how little (ah, it's the result of the curse and this flesh of mine that likes the path of least resistance...yes, I confess I like the easy road if I can get away with it...seems like I'm not going to...which is good I know). This is my plan in order to as I said before remember all that I'm reading or atleast what I think is the most important...and well I have all of you (if there is anyone out there reading this) to keep me accountable.

All this to say if I manage to pass this class to God be the glory!!!

I'm wondering if I put anybody to sleep yet?!?! Blogging is strange...it's sort of like journaling only there is an audience out there who's going to read every word of what you post...o.k. maybe not every word since...well if your like me if I'm reading something and it's not interesting I skim through it......Oh, well then if no one reads my blog it's just like journaling and well that's safe no one to critique you, lol.

Woo hoo!!! I did it!!!

Tonight was the start of my first college class and in anticipation of it my stomach felt as though I've been on a wild roller coaster ride all day. Well the good news is that my stomach and I have survived. In fact even better then just surviving it, I loved it! I loved sitting in the room listening to the prof. speak. I loved learning more about what I'm passionate about. I can't wait to get to the reading and I'm already eagerly looking forward to my next class.

I know there will be many challenges ahead for me. There were moments tonight that I felt as if I don't quite fully understand what the prof. was saying. I'm hoping that the reading I do for the class will clarify the questions I'm left with. Then there's the homework for the class...this will be quite challenging for someone who has been out of school for as long as I have. I'm not at all looking forward to handing in my homework to be graded. When I think about it I'm tempted to dwell on the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing..."oh my, what have I gotten myself into"...O.k. enough of that negative thinking...

"O.k., O.k., how then should I be thinking?" Philippians 4:8-9 reminds me that I should be thinking on what I know to be true . What I know to be true is that God has a calling on my life and as I sought Him earnestly in the matter this is where He has led me. I also know that if God has called me to this then He will equip me. In that I rest, not in my own abilities or lack there of but in the work of the Holy Spirit within me.

My prayer this morning was and will continue to be: "Father, I can not do this without your help. I need Your wisdom, understanding, and discernment. Please help me to remember the things I need to know and filter out those things that would not be pleasing to you. Teach me through the prof. those things you want me to learn and write it in my heart and mind so that I will not forget."

I'm just taking one step at a time keeping one eye on the goal = God's calling on my life and the other eye on the journey = my first class.

On top of the anxiety I was trying to stifle all day over my first class starting there was anxiety about driving in the snow. Driving was definitely an adventure tonight. I think my car fish tailed four times (the good news is I finally got the turn into the direction the car is sliding thing down pat),however I did almost slide right on through a red light. By the time class was over and I reached my car there was already six inches of snow on top of it so the driving home was worse. The traffic was going 25 miles per hour on the freeway in a normally 65 miles per hour zone. The wind was blowing the snow side ways and the visibility was poor. The drifts on the freeway were higher then the floor of my car and all I can say is I prayed, prayed, and prayed. Whew! I made it home safely...and now I'm off to bed. Goodnight!